W. C. Fields Quotes And Sayings

William Claude Dukenfield, better known as W. C. Fields, was an American comedian, actor, juggler and writer. Fields’ comic persona was a misanthropic and hard-drinking egotist, who remained a sympathetic character despite his snarling contempt for dogs and children. His career in show business began in vaudeville, where he attained international success as a silent juggler. He gradually incorporated comedy into his act, and was a featured comedian in the Ziegfeld Follies for several years.

If At First You Don't Succeed, Try, Try Again. Then Quit. There's No Point In Being A Damn Fool About It.

W. C. Fields Quotes (1) - If At First You Don't Succeed, Try, Try... - QuotesIf At First You Don't Succeed, Try, Try Again. Then Quit. There's No Point In Being A Damn Fool About It.

W. C. Fields Quotes (1) - If At First You Don't Succeed, Try, Try... - Quotes

Abstaining Is Favorable Both To The Head And The Pocket.

W. C. Fields Quotes (11) - Abstaining Is Favorable Both To The He... - QuotesAbstaining Is Favorable Both To The Head And The Pocket.

W. C. Fields Quotes (11) - Abstaining Is Favorable Both To The He... - Quotes

I Cook With Wine, Sometimes I Even Add It To The Food.

W. C. Fields Quotes (10) - I Cook With Wine, Sometimes I Even Add... - QuotesI Cook With Wine, Sometimes I Even Add It To The Food.

W. C. Fields Quotes (10) - I Cook With Wine, Sometimes I Even Add... - Quotes

I Like Children - Fried.

W. C. Fields Quotes (13) - I Like Children - Fried.... - QuotesI Like Children - Fried.

W. C. Fields Quotes (13) - I Like Children - Fried.... - Quotes

A Woman Drove Me To Drink And I Didn't Even Have The Decency To Thank Her.

W. C. Fields Quotes (12) - A Woman Drove Me To Drink And I Didn't... - QuotesA Woman Drove Me To Drink And I Didn't Even Have The Decency To Thank Her.

W. C. Fields Quotes (12) - A Woman Drove Me To Drink And I Didn't... - Quotes

Last Week, I Went To Philadelphia, But It Was Closed.

W. C. Fields Quotes (14) - Last Week, I Went To Philadelphia, But... - QuotesLast Week, I Went To Philadelphia, But It Was Closed.

W. C. Fields Quotes (14) - Last Week, I Went To Philadelphia, But... - Quotes

Anyone Who Hates Children And Animals Can't Be All Bad.

W. C. Fields Quotes (15) - Anyone Who Hates Children And Animals ... - QuotesAnyone Who Hates Children And Animals Can't Be All Bad.

W. C. Fields Quotes (15) - Anyone Who Hates Children And Animals ... - Quotes

You Can't Trust Water: Even A Straight Stick Turns Crooked In It.

W. C. Fields Quotes (17) - You Can't Trust Water: Even A Straight... - QuotesYou Can't Trust Water: Even A Straight Stick Turns Crooked In It.

W. C. Fields Quotes (17) - You Can't Trust Water: Even A Straight... - Quotes

It Was A Woman Who Drove Me To Drink, And I Never Had The Courtesy To Thank Her For It.

W. C. Fields Quotes (16) - It Was A Woman Who Drove Me To Drink, ... - QuotesIt Was A Woman Who Drove Me To Drink, And I Never Had The Courtesy To Thank Her For It.

W. C. Fields Quotes (16) - It Was A Woman Who Drove Me To Drink, ... - Quotes

On The Whole, I'd Rather Be In Philidelphia.

W. C. Fields Quotes (18) - On The Whole, I'd Rather Be In Philide... - QuotesOn The Whole, I'd Rather Be In Philidelphia.

W. C. Fields Quotes (18) - On The Whole, I'd Rather Be In Philide... - Quotes

Never Give A Sucker An Even Break.

W. C. Fields Quotes (19) - Never Give A Sucker An Even Break.... - QuotesNever Give A Sucker An Even Break.

W. C. Fields Quotes (19) - Never Give A Sucker An Even Break.... - Quotes

If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Baffle Them With Bull.

W. C. Fields Quotes (2) - If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brillianc... - QuotesIf You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Baffle Them With Bull.

W. C. Fields Quotes (2) - If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brillianc... - Quotes

The World Is Getting To Be Such A Dangerous Place, A Man Is Lucky To Get Out Of It Alive.

W. C. Fields Quotes (20) - The World Is Getting To Be Such A Dang... - QuotesThe World Is Getting To Be Such A Dangerous Place, A Man Is Lucky To Get Out Of It Alive.

W. C. Fields Quotes (20) - The World Is Getting To Be Such A Dang... - Quotes

Drown In A Cold Vat Of Whiskey? Death, Where Is Thy Sting?

W. C. Fields Quotes (22) - Drown In A Cold Vat Of Whiskey? Death,... - QuotesDrown In A Cold Vat Of Whiskey? Death, Where Is Thy Sting?

W. C. Fields Quotes (22) - Drown In A Cold Vat Of Whiskey? Death,... - Quotes

The Best Cure For Insomnia Is To Get A Lot Of Sleep.

W. C. Fields Quotes (21) - The Best Cure For Insomnia Is To Get A... - QuotesThe Best Cure For Insomnia Is To Get A Lot Of Sleep.

W. C. Fields Quotes (21) - The Best Cure For Insomnia Is To Get A... - Quotes

Never Cry Over Spilt Milk, Because It May Have Been Poisoned.

W. C. Fields Quotes (23) - Never Cry Over Spilt Milk, Because It ... - QuotesNever Cry Over Spilt Milk, Because It May Have Been Poisoned.

W. C. Fields Quotes (23) - Never Cry Over Spilt Milk, Because It ... - Quotes

The Laziest Man I Ever Met Put Popcorn In His Pancakes So They Would Turn Over By Themselves.

W. C. Fields Quotes (25) - The Laziest Man I Ever Met Put Popcorn... - QuotesThe Laziest Man I Ever Met Put Popcorn In His Pancakes So They Would Turn Over By Themselves.

W. C. Fields Quotes (25) - The Laziest Man I Ever Met Put Popcorn... - Quotes

Now Don't Say You Can't Swear Off Drinking; It's Easy. I've Done It A Thousand Times.

W. C. Fields Quotes (24) - Now Don't Say You Can't Swear Off Drin... - QuotesNow Don't Say You Can't Swear Off Drinking; It's Easy. I've Done It A Thousand Times.

W. C. Fields Quotes (24) - Now Don't Say You Can't Swear Off Drin... - Quotes

Reminds Me Of My Safari In Africa. Somebody Forgot The Corkscrew And For Several Days We Had To Live On Nothing But Food And Water.

W. C. Fields Quotes (27) - Reminds Me Of My Safari In Africa. Som... - QuotesReminds Me Of My Safari In Africa. Somebody Forgot The Corkscrew And For Several Days We Had To Live On Nothing But Food And Water.

W. C. Fields Quotes (27) - Reminds Me Of My Safari In Africa. Som... - Quotes

Ah, The Patter Of Little Feet Around The House. There's Nothing Like Having A Midget For A Butler.

W. C. Fields Quotes (26) - Ah, The Patter Of Little Feet Around T... - QuotesAh, The Patter Of Little Feet Around The House. There's Nothing Like Having A Midget For A Butler.

W. C. Fields Quotes (26) - Ah, The Patter Of Little Feet Around T... - Quotes

I Was In Love With A Beautiful Blonde Once. She Drove Me To Drink. That's The One Thing I'm Indebted To Her For.

W. C. Fields Quotes (28) - I Was In Love With A Beautiful Blonde ... - QuotesI Was In Love With A Beautiful Blonde Once. She Drove Me To Drink. That's The One Thing I'm Indebted To Her For.

W. C. Fields Quotes (28) - I Was In Love With A Beautiful Blonde ... - Quotes

I Like To Keep A Bottle Of Stimulant Handy In Case I See A Snake, Which I Also Keep Handy.

W. C. Fields Quotes (29) - I Like To Keep A Bottle Of Stimulant H... - QuotesI Like To Keep A Bottle Of Stimulant Handy In Case I See A Snake, Which I Also Keep Handy.

W. C. Fields Quotes (29) - I Like To Keep A Bottle Of Stimulant H... - Quotes

Women Are Like Elephants. I Like To Look At 'Em, But I Wouldn't Want To Own One.

W. C. Fields Quotes (30) - Women Are Like Elephants. I Like To Lo... - QuotesWomen Are Like Elephants. I Like To Look At 'Em, But I Wouldn't Want To Own One.

W. C. Fields Quotes (30) - Women Are Like Elephants. I Like To Lo... - Quotes

Horse Sense Is The Thing A Horse Has Which Keeps It From Betting On People.

W. C. Fields Quotes (3) - Horse Sense Is The Thing A Horse Has Wh... - QuotesHorse Sense Is The Thing A Horse Has Which Keeps It From Betting On People.

W. C. Fields Quotes (3) - Horse Sense Is The Thing A Horse Has Wh... - Quotes

There Comes A Time In The Affairs Of Man When He Must Take The Bull By The Tail And Face The Situation.

W. C. Fields Quotes (31) - There Comes A Time In The Affairs Of M... - QuotesThere Comes A Time In The Affairs Of Man When He Must Take The Bull By The Tail And Face The Situation.

W. C. Fields Quotes (31) - There Comes A Time In The Affairs Of M... - Quotes

I Drink Therefore I Am.

W. C. Fields Quotes (32) - I Drink Therefore I Am.... - QuotesI Drink Therefore I Am.

W. C. Fields Quotes (32) - I Drink Therefore I Am.... - Quotes

It's Morally Wrong To Allow A Sucker To Keep His Money.

W. C. Fields Quotes (33) - It's Morally Wrong To Allow A Sucker T... - QuotesIt's Morally Wrong To Allow A Sucker To Keep His Money.

W. C. Fields Quotes (33) - It's Morally Wrong To Allow A Sucker T... - Quotes

Show Me A Great Actor And I'll Show You A Lousy Husband. Show Me A Great Actress, And You've Seen The Devil.

W. C. Fields Quotes (34) - Show Me A Great Actor And I'll Show Yo... - QuotesShow Me A Great Actor And I'll Show You A Lousy Husband. Show Me A Great Actress, And You've Seen The Devil.

W. C. Fields Quotes (34) - Show Me A Great Actor And I'll Show Yo... - Quotes

I Never Drink Water; That Is The Stuff That Rusts Pipes.

W. C. Fields Quotes (35) - I Never Drink Water; That Is The Stuff... - QuotesI Never Drink Water; That Is The Stuff That Rusts Pipes.

W. C. Fields Quotes (35) - I Never Drink Water; That Is The Stuff... - Quotes

Remember, A Dead Fish Can Float Downstream, But It Takes A Live One To Swim Upstream.

W. C. Fields Quotes (36) - Remember, A Dead Fish Can Float Downst... - QuotesRemember, A Dead Fish Can Float Downstream, But It Takes A Live One To Swim Upstream.

W. C. Fields Quotes (36) - Remember, A Dead Fish Can Float Downst... - Quotes

I Am An Expert Of Electricity. My Father Occupied The Chair Of Applied Electricity At The State Prison.

W. C. Fields Quotes (37) - I Am An Expert Of Electricity. My Fath... - QuotesI Am An Expert Of Electricity. My Father Occupied The Chair Of Applied Electricity At The State Prison.

W. C. Fields Quotes (37) - I Am An Expert Of Electricity. My Fath... - Quotes

I Once Spent A Year In Philadelphia, I Think It Was On A Sunday.

W. C. Fields Quotes (38) - I Once Spent A Year In Philadelphia, I... - QuotesI Once Spent A Year In Philadelphia, I Think It Was On A Sunday.

W. C. Fields Quotes (38) - I Once Spent A Year In Philadelphia, I... - Quotes

Here Lies W. C. Fields. I Would Rather Be Living In Philadelphia.

W. C. Fields Quotes (39) - Here Lies W. C. Fields. I Would Rather... - QuotesHere Lies W. C. Fields. I Would Rather Be Living In Philadelphia.

W. C. Fields Quotes (39) - Here Lies W. C. Fields. I Would Rather... - Quotes

I Am Free Of All Prejudices. I Hate Everyone Equally.

W. C. Fields Quotes (4) - I Am Free Of All Prejudices. I Hate Eve... - QuotesI Am Free Of All Prejudices. I Hate Everyone Equally.

W. C. Fields Quotes (4) - I Am Free Of All Prejudices. I Hate Eve... - Quotes

If There's A Will, Prosperity Can't Be Far Behind.

W. C. Fields Quotes (40) - If There's A Will, Prosperity Can't Be... - QuotesIf There's A Will, Prosperity Can't Be Far Behind.

W. C. Fields Quotes (40) - If There's A Will, Prosperity Can't Be... - Quotes

Children Should Neither Be Seen Or Heard From - Ever Again.

W. C. Fields Quotes (41) - Children Should Neither Be Seen Or Hea... - QuotesChildren Should Neither Be Seen Or Heard From - Ever Again.

W. C. Fields Quotes (41) - Children Should Neither Be Seen Or Hea... - Quotes

Don't Worry About Your Heart, It Will Last You As Long As You Live.

W. C. Fields Quotes (43) - Don't Worry About Your Heart, It Will ... - QuotesDon't Worry About Your Heart, It Will Last You As Long As You Live.

W. C. Fields Quotes (43) - Don't Worry About Your Heart, It Will ... - Quotes

No Doubt Exists That All Women Are Crazy; It's Only A Question Of Degree.

W. C. Fields Quotes (44) - No Doubt Exists That All Women Are Cra... - QuotesNo Doubt Exists That All Women Are Crazy; It's Only A Question Of Degree.

W. C. Fields Quotes (44) - No Doubt Exists That All Women Are Cra... - Quotes

Sleep - The Most Beautiful Experience In Life - Except Drink.

W. C. Fields Quotes (42) - Sleep - The Most Beautiful Experience ... - QuotesSleep - The Most Beautiful Experience In Life - Except Drink.

W. C. Fields Quotes (42) - Sleep - The Most Beautiful Experience ... - Quotes

There Are Only Two Real Ways To Get Ahead Today - Sell Liquor Or Drink It.

W. C. Fields Quotes (45) - There Are Only Two Real Ways To Get Ah... - QuotesThere Are Only Two Real Ways To Get Ahead Today - Sell Liquor Or Drink It.

W. C. Fields Quotes (45) - There Are Only Two Real Ways To Get Ah... - Quotes

The Clever Cat Eats Cheese And Breathes Down Rat Holes With Baited Breath.

W. C. Fields Quotes (46) - The Clever Cat Eats Cheese And Breathe... - QuotesThe Clever Cat Eats Cheese And Breathes Down Rat Holes With Baited Breath.

W. C. Fields Quotes (46) - The Clever Cat Eats Cheese And Breathe... - Quotes

Set Up Another Case Bartender! The Best Thing For A Case Of Nerves Is A Case Of Scotch.

W. C. Fields Quotes (47) - Set Up Another Case Bartender! The Bes... - QuotesSet Up Another Case Bartender! The Best Thing For A Case Of Nerves Is A Case Of Scotch.

W. C. Fields Quotes (47) - Set Up Another Case Bartender! The Bes... - Quotes

When We Have Lost Everything, Including Hope, Life Becomes A Disgrace, And Death A Duty.

W. C. Fields Quotes (48) - When We Have Lost Everything, Includin... - QuotesWhen We Have Lost Everything, Including Hope, Life Becomes A Disgrace, And Death A Duty.

W. C. Fields Quotes (48) - When We Have Lost Everything, Includin... - Quotes

Never Try To Impress A Woman, Because If You Do She'll Expect You To Keep Up The Standard For The Rest Of Your Life.

W. C. Fields Quotes (49) - Never Try To Impress A Woman, Because ... - QuotesNever Try To Impress A Woman, Because If You Do She'll Expect You To Keep Up The Standard For The Rest Of Your Life.

W. C. Fields Quotes (49) - Never Try To Impress A Woman, Because ... - Quotes

Start Every Day Off With A Smile And Get It Over With.

W. C. Fields Quotes (5) - Start Every Day Off With A Smile And Ge... - QuotesStart Every Day Off With A Smile And Get It Over With.

W. C. Fields Quotes (5) - Start Every Day Off With A Smile And Ge... - Quotes

I'd Like To See Paris Before I Die... Philadelphia Will Do.

W. C. Fields Quotes (50) - I'd Like To See Paris Before I Die... ... - QuotesI'd Like To See Paris Before I Die... Philadelphia Will Do.

W. C. Fields Quotes (50) - I'd Like To See Paris Before I Die... ... - Quotes

Some Things Are Better Than Sex, And Some Are Worse, But There's Nothing Exactly Like It.

W. C. Fields Quotes (51) - Some Things Are Better Than Sex, And S... - QuotesSome Things Are Better Than Sex, And Some Are Worse, But There's Nothing Exactly Like It.

W. C. Fields Quotes (51) - Some Things Are Better Than Sex, And S... - Quotes

I Never Worry About Being Driven To Drink; I Just Worry About Being Driven Home.

W. C. Fields Quotes (52) - I Never Worry About Being Driven To Dr... - QuotesI Never Worry About Being Driven To Drink; I Just Worry About Being Driven Home.

W. C. Fields Quotes (52) - I Never Worry About Being Driven To Dr... - Quotes

The Cost Of Living Has Gone Up Another Dollar A Quart.

W. C. Fields Quotes (53) - The Cost Of Living Has Gone Up Another... - QuotesThe Cost Of Living Has Gone Up Another Dollar A Quart.

W. C. Fields Quotes (53) - The Cost Of Living Has Gone Up Another... - Quotes

I Must Have A Drink Of Breakfast.

W. C. Fields Quotes (54) - I Must Have A Drink Of Breakfast.... - QuotesI Must Have A Drink Of Breakfast.

W. C. Fields Quotes (54) - I Must Have A Drink Of Breakfast.... - Quotes