Woody Allen Quotes And Sayings

Bisexuality Immediately Doubles Your Chances For A Date On Saturday Night.

It Seemed The World Was Divided Into Good And Bad People. The Good Ones Slept Better While The Bad Ones Seemed To Enjoy The Waking Hours Much More.

I'm Such A Good Lover Because I Practice A Lot On My Own.

If Only God Would Give Me Some Clear Sign! Like Making A Large Deposit In My Name At A Swiss Bank.

I Am Not Afraid Of Death, I Just Don't Want To Be There When It Happens.

I Am Thankful For Laughter, Except When Milk Comes Out Of My Nose.

I Don't Want To Achieve Immortality Through My Work. I Want To Achieve It Through Not Dying.

I Have Bad Reflexes. I Was Once Run Over By A Car Being Pushed By Two Guys.

His Lack Of Education Is More Than Compensated For By His Keenly Developed Moral Bankruptcy.

When I Was Kidnapped, My Parents Snapped Into Action. They Rented Out My Room.

Dying Is One Of The Few Things That Can Be Done As Easily Lying Down.

I Tended To Place My Wife Under A Pedestal.

Why Does Man Kill? He Kills For Food. And Not Only Food: Frequently There Must Be A Beverage.

When We Played Softball, I'd Steal Second Base, Feel Guilty And Go Back.

If My Films Don't Show A Profit, I Know I'm Doing Something Right.

It's Not That I'm Afraid To Die. I Just Don't Want To Be There When It Happens.

It Is Impossible To Experience One's Death Objectively And Still Carry A Tune.

On The Plus Side, Death Is One Of The Few Things That Can Be Done As Easily Lying Down .

Most Of The Time I Don't Have Much Fun. The Rest Of The Time I Don't Have Any Fun At All.

I Don't Have To 'Freedom-kiss' My Wife When What I Really Want To Do Is French-kiss Her.

Marriage Is The Death Of Hope.

Who Bothers To Cook Tv Dinners? I Suck Them Frozen.

In California, They Don't Throw Their Garbage Away - They Make It Into Tv Shows.

Money Is Better Than Poverty, If Only For Financial Reasons.

The Food Here Is Terrible, And The Portions Are Too Small.