Mark Twain Quotes And Sayings

Truth Is The Most Valuable Thing We Have. Let Us Economize It.

A Person With A New Idea Is A Crank Until The Idea Succeeds.

Work Consists Of Whatever A Body Is Obliged To Do. Play Consists Of Whatever A Body Is Not Obliged To Do.

When A Person Cannot Deceive Himself The Chances Are Against His Being Able To Deceive Other People.

Necessity Is The Mother Of Taking Chances.

God Made The Idiot For Practice, And Then He Made The School Board.

I Make It A Rule Never To Smoke While I'm Sleeping.

Work Is A Necessary Evil To Be Avoided.

Do The Right Thing. It Will Gratify Some People And Astonish The Rest.

Everything Human Is Pathetic. The Secret Source Of Humor Itself Is Not Joy But Sorrow. There Is No Humor In Heaven.

It's No Wonder That Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction. Fiction Has To Make Sense.

Martyrdom Covers A Multitude Of Sins.

Never Pick A Fight With People Who Buy Ink By The Barrel.

Don't Say The Old Lady Screamed. Bring Her On And Let Her Scream.

The Main Difference Between A Cat And A Lie Is That A Cat Only Has Nine Lives.

I Was Gratified To Be Able To Answer Promptly, And I Did. I Said I Didn't Know.

Giving Up Smoking Is The Easiest Thing In The World. I Know Because I've Done It Thousands Of Times.

It Is Better To Take What Does Not Belong To You Than To Let It Lie Around Neglected.

It Was Wonderful To Find America, But It Would Have Been More Wonderful To Miss It.

I Don't Give A Damn For A Man That Can Only Spell A Word One Way.

Man Was Made At The End Of The Week's Work, When God Was Tired.

Why Is It That We Rejoice At A Birth And Grieve At A Funeral? It Is Because We Are Not The Person Involved.

Man Will Do Many Things To Get Himself Loved, He Will Do All Things To Get Himself Envied.

If The World Comes To An End, I Want To Be In Cincinnati. Everything Comes There Ten Years Later.

There Are People Who Can Do All Fine And Heroic Things But One - Keep From Telling Their Happiness To The Unhappy.

It Ain't Those Parts Of The Bible That I Can't Understand That Bother Me, It Is The Parts That I Do Understand.

The Rule Is Perfect: In All Matters Of Opinion Our Adversaries Are Insane.

Do Not Tell Fish Stories Where The People Know You; But Particularly, Don't Tell Them Where They Know The Fish.

I Have Been Complimented Many Times And They Always Embarrass Me; I Always Feel That They Have Not Said Enough.

Courage Is Resistance To Fear, Mastery Of Fear, Not Absence Of Fear.

The Public Is The Only Critic Whose Opinion Is Worth Anything At All.

Be Careless In Your Dress If You Must, But Keep A Tidy Soul.

When People Do Not Respect Us We Are Sharply Offended; Yet In His Private Heart No Man Much Respects Himself.

The Only Way To Keep Your Health Is To Eat What You Don't Want, Drink What You Don't Like, And Do What You'd Rather Not.

The Trouble Ain't That There Is Too Many Fools, But That The Lightning Ain't Distributed Right.

Humor Must Not Professedly Teach And It Must Not Professedly Preach, But It Must Do Both If It Would Live Forever.

Loyalty To The Nation All The Time, Loyalty To The Government When It Deserves It.

In 'Huckleberry Finn,' I Have Drawn Tom Blankenship Exactly As He Was. He Was Ignorant, Unwashed, Insufficiently Fed; But He Had As Good A Heart As Ever Any Boy Had.

It Put Our Energies To Sleep And Made Visionaries Of Us - Dreamers And Indolent... It Is Good To Begin Life Poor; It Is Good To Begin Life Rich - These Are Wholesome; But To Begin It Prospectively Rich! The Man Who Has Not Experienced It Cannot Imagine The Curse Of It.

I Never Smoke To Excess - That Is, I Smoke In Moderation, Only One Cigar At A Time.

Words Are Only Painted Fire; A Look Is The Fire Itself.

Everything Has Its Limit - Iron Ore Cannot Be Educated Into Gold.

I Don't Like To Commit Myself About Heaven And Hell - You See, I Have Friends In Both Places.

It Were Not Best That We Should All Think Alike; It Is Difference Of Opinion That Makes Horse Races.

Let Us Make A Special Effort To Stop Communicating With Each Other, So We Can Have Some Conversation.

In The Spring, I Have Counted 136 Different Kinds Of Weather Inside Of 24 Hours.

All Emotion Is Involuntary When Genuine.

Life Would Be Infinitely Happier If We Could Only Be Born At The Age Of Eighty And Gradually Approach Eighteen.

What A Wee Little Part Of A Person's Life Are His Acts And His Words! His Real Life Is Led In His Head, And Is Known To None But Himself.

When Red-haired People Are Above A Certain Social Grade Their Hair Is Auburn.