Mark Twain Quotes And Sayings

Water, Taken In Moderation, Cannot Hurt Anybody.

Nothing So Needs Reforming As Other People's Habits.

Optimist: Day Dreamer More Elegantly Spelled.

As An Example To Others, And Not That I Care For Moderation Myself, It Has Always Been My Rule Never To Smoke When Asleep, And Never To Refrain From Smoking When Awake.

George Washington, As A Boy, Was Ignorant Of The Commonest Accomplishments Of Youth. He Could Not Even Lie.

Age Is An Issue Of Mind Over Matter. If You Don't Mind, It Doesn't Matter.

Golf Is A Good Walk Spoiled.

Sometimes Too Much To Drink Is Barely Enough.

It Usually Takes Me More Than Three Weeks To Prepare A Good Impromptu Speech.

Few Things Are Harder To Put Up With Than The Annoyance Of A Good Example.

Honesty Is The Best Policy - When There Is Money In It.

It Is Just Like Man's Vanity And Impertinence To Call An Animal Dumb Because It Is Dumb To His Dull Perceptions.

Wrinkles Should Merely Indicate Where Smiles Have Been.

It Is Curious That Physical Courage Should Be So Common In The World And Moral Courage So Rare.

Clothes Make The Man. Naked People Have Little Or No Influence On Society.

Be Careful About Reading Health Books. You May Die Of A Misprint.

It's Good Sportsmanship To Not Pick Up Lost Golf Balls While They Are Still Rolling.

I Must Have A Prodigious Quantity Of Mind; It Takes Me As Much As A Week Sometimes To Make It Up.

Name The Greatest Of All Inventors. Accident.

The Fear Of Death Follows From The Fear Of Life. A Man Who Lives Fully Is Prepared To Die At Any Time.

Cauliflower Is Nothing But Cabbage With A College Education.

Never Put Off Till Tomorrow What You Can Do The Day After Tomorrow.

The First Of April Is The Day We Remember What We Are The Other 364 Days Of The Year.

A Round Man Cannot Be Expected To Fit In A Square Hole Right Away. He Must Have Time To Modify His Shape.

Good Breeding Consists In Concealing How Much We Think Of Ourselves And How Little We Think Of The Other Person.

When In Doubt Tell The Truth.

The Educated Southerner Has No Use For An 'R', Except At The Beginning Of A Word.

There Are Several Good Protections Against Temptation, But The Surest Is Cowardice.

You Can't Depend On Your Eyes When Your Imagination Is Out Of Focus.

Wit Is The Sudden Marriage Of Ideas Which, Before Their Union, Were Not Perceived To Have Any Relation.

Anger Is An Acid That Can Do More Harm To The Vessel In Which It Is Stored Than To Anything On Which It Is Poured.

Grief Can Take Care If Itself, But To Get The Full Value Of A Joy You Must Have Somebody To Divide It With.

To Refuse Awards Is Another Way Of Accepting Them With More Noise Than Is Normal.

Loyalty To Petrified Opinion Never Yet Broke A Chain Or Freed A Human Soul.

Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction, But It Is Because Fiction Is Obliged To Stick To Possibilities; Truth Isn't.

When Angry, Count To Four; When Very Angry, Swear.

There Are Lies, Damned Lies And Statistics.

All You Need In This Life Is Ignorance And Confidence, And Then Success Is Sure.

There Is A Charm About The Forbidden That Makes It Unspeakably Desirable.

Against The Assault Of Laughter, Nothing Can Stand.

What, Sir, Would The People Of The Earth Be Without Woman? They Would Be Scarce, Sir, Almighty Scarce.

Don't Part With Your Illusions. When They Are Gone, You May Still Exist, But You Have Ceased To Live.

The Man Who Is A Pessimist Before 48 Knows Too Much; If He Is An Optimist After It, He Knows Too Little.

In The First Place, God Made Idiots. That Was For Practice. Then He Made School Boards.

If You Tell The Truth, You Don't Have To Remember Anything.

Climate Is What We Expect, Weather Is What We Get.

He Is Now Rising From Affluence To Poverty.

It Is Better To Keep Your Mouth Closed And Let People Think You Are A Fool Than To Open It And Remove All Doubt.

I Have Never Taken Any Exercise, Except Sleeping And Resting, And I Never Intend To Take Any.

Civilization Is The Limitless Multiplication Of Unnecessary Necessities.